I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
