this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
