my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Randomize
