i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
