You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
