just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
