Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
