Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
