If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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