i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
