Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
