We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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