I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
