Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Randomize
