I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
