Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
