There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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