It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize