in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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