Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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