i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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