My room smells like vodka and shame
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
