That's intense
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize