i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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