And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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