Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
