I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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