Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
