why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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