Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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