there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
