i don't like sucking hair
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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