11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
