I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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