Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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