Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
