I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You need Xanax blowdarts
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize