U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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