I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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