I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
