after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
