i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think a kid would responsible me up
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
