I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
