I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
