Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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