If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
