I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
