Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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