I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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