He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
