we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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