you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
