i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
