I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
