i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
