That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
