Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
