i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
