Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
