it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
