Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
smell my finger.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
