just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
