she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
