He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
