my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
