well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize