sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
