You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
